K9 5:1

this is what we do to poets 'round here

why i make this post? let me be real clear:
i found myself a MAYDEN
and a nordic one at that
but i found her fire fadin'
so im preppin for combat

with a duo in a duel
yeah some men of poetry
so I'm throwin' down a jewel
of niner rappery

yeah im the dark horse in this race
and there aint no greater cause
to protect my mayden fair of face
from their literary paws

one man goes by COSMO his avatars a drink!
i wonder why he chose to be a girlie cocktail pink?
the other has a gun! yep, a true ROMANTIC DANDY
droppin down da poseys is his modus operandi

if ya'll be mackin' on my mayden
i'll be sneaking her away
like the bar-b-que you grilled
on independence day

cuz when i saw my mayden
i had a heart attack
she was dreaming of the poets
in a gown of sleek wildcat!

she gonna choose a suitor
on their words alone
so im singing out my rap
with a bark of baritone

i don't need no learning
or thesaurus thickened book
i'll sway her with my yearnin'
and my nanny-killin' look

i'm turning maydens head
with my juicy rap ebonics
so what if you well read?
you jus suckin' on ya phonics!

to the poets i say:

i ruled ya, i drooled ya, flipped ya over and i skooled ya
i left a steamin brown, flipped you back and put it down
i floated and i stinged, left you peak-ked in da ring
i was bad; i was pretty
ya'll left town
feeling shitty

cause the dog sneaked in
before this dress rehersal
now its too late for the wedding
'cause i "pinged her universal"


** 5:1 in the title refers to my odds set by XDELL


Blogger Mayden's Voyage said...

OH MY GOODNESS! I am flushed, head to toe! I need to print this off- go recline in my bed and re-read it many times..."pinged my universal!"

LOL- the poor gents won't have any idea what you mean! They have no idea how brilliant you are in the ways of art...or for how long I've known you...

Oh- I may swoon!

Dear Pup- you are a jewel, a prince...are you really going to write a poem about Fidelity and Lee??? I suppose you are...

"Whew"- I am moved and flattered...and most pleasantly surprised! :) A t-bone steak for you my friend- I think I need a shot of Brandy!
Most affectionately-
-Cora :)

9:36 AM  
Blogger Percival said...

O vile Pretender!

Thou art - here me well good man, and tremble - thou art, verily, the George W. Bush of "dogs!"

Affecting a clumsy incoherence, it is clear from thine metrical skills that thou art well acquainted with Keats, Yeats, Teats, Tipsy, and the rest...

An English major I well suspect, who has been putting on the dog of a down-home act.

As the sun goes down on Monday, the sun also sets for thee. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. And seek not to break the rules and ask the Mayden's indulgence by saying, "the dog ate my homework."

In other words, Sir, I publically remind you that the Lady's rules stipulate including something about that darned "Lee Kennedy" dude, which I really found the hardest part of the whole thing...

Ping her universal? Think not even to arrive at the outermost vestibule of her galaxy.

O, unsavory Chameleon!

11:54 AM  
Blogger Lee said...


5:24 PM  
Blogger X. Dell said...

Are we gonna get to see a dogfight?

Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

It didn't take you long, K9 to come out swinging. Didn't take Perival much longer to swing back.

May the games begin.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Percival said...

Lee - Ok... ChameleonS!!

7:05 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Once Cora is finished doggysitting you, please come over for Frosty Paws and Scooby Snacks?

7:53 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

and yet another side of the dog is revealed.

my, you do get around!

my wings are weary from flying about after you.

10:49 PM  
Blogger Lady Lux said...

peeerfect!!...ow' the lucky mayden ha!ha!ha!...I am so green with envy!..hee!hee!

12:13 AM  
Blogger Pete Bogs said...

aww... the little gal's all tuckered out!

3:56 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

/bark bark bark

mayden: as i leave for a vacation weekend with NO computer i say to you: i'll cram school on late sunday eve to protect your virtue from these 19th centuryesque dandified poets...they've got the vocabulary but do they gots the flow?

percival: savory and basty, chewie good and tasty
dont think you gonna waste me, your confidence be hasty. btw: nice girlfriend man. "darling" lillie! /snort

lee: im studying up your chemistry

xdell: yeah! did you see where percy implied that i might hump lee's leg? grrrrrrr. dogfight!

dear lady jane: should the unimaginable occur, and i am vanquished by these ashley hamilton types, through some freak accident or weird planetary alignment, i should take refuge on your estate or perhaps beneath black taffeta and enjoy the innocent flavors of frosty paws in your sweet company. your beowulf-killing rottie, K9

boyed! hahaha! my rival think me an english major!
i bet you know better. i know nothing of this flowery prose in which they speak! my task is to write on an aussie man and fidelity in one poem! will you take the odds that the bookie xdell hath set? 5:1?

i have missed my artic tern....too busy warping the fledglings i suppose. (i hope! that is why i have seen so little of you as late)

lux: you woke up with a thousand gold stars stuck to you, yes? grrrrrrrrrrl you want to throw into the contest for lee? i see you wont compete for my paw
grrr! i say bring on the letters of the women, so dog can have some steely competition. howl!

bogs: like a tender hind


6:22 AM  
Blogger velvet acid tongue said...

enjoy your weekend, k9.

9:29 AM  
Blogger Mayden's Voyage said...

Have fun this weekend- I'm updating MV and including you in the duel. I'll borrow your avatar...OK? :)

Have I said "Thank you"? I hope I conveyed it- but for clarity, and chairty, from the bottom of my heart...

Thank you :)

8:24 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

anon good beast - come hither to my roost where i have left words of comfort for thee.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

ah, i have flown deeper into the flowery skies -

the battle, the duel, is of poems of love and lewdness?

nonetheless - smite thy enemies with browns!

methinks i might set a post, create a link and sell lemonade and tea cookies.

NOT! i will offer up
gumbo, mint juleps and shots of jack. rotting fruit to fling at the competitors, who cannot compare to the dawg!

10:26 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

/bark bark bark

bark yet again!!! this is why i love my boyed!!
dearest vogel jewel of the skies you answer my plea so timely. i wag in your direction of the citay by da bay.

/howl of praise and many wageth

(grr that flowery speak.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

in my last comment to you at my roost, dear dog, i liberally plagiarized master shakespeare. but then, many scholars suspect he too was a plagiarist - but perhaps he was merely

sampling (methinks he was an early-day rapper - for surely he had the flow)

heed this note on one of your foes - percival - has he taken that moniker in homage to the good knight Percival who sought the holy grail? If so, remember that Percival, though strong and pious, was quite, quite naive.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Lee said...

A point of order, me ol' dog! Cabernet Merlot is not cocktail pink. Thank you.

4:04 AM  
Blogger infinitesimal said...

I dunno what the F**k is going on here but I came here to claim back my puppy.

Heel Boy!
I am here now and offer up one long and vinyl clad leg for you to hump.
Beware of my spikey heeled boot, and pay no attention to the Zena warrior princess type bustier.
This is my battle garb.
I must fight for possession of my Puppy!

WOOING other mistresses with your smooth tongue.
This is the only hand you should be licking!
Wait.... let me peel off the red leather gloves....

I suppose i could let Mayden dogsit for me while I travel to NYC next week.

But she better not try to collar my purebred for herself!!!

However, I am a freaky skunktrix.
Maybe there is room in your doghouse for all three of us?

What do you say Mayden?
Can you pitch for both teams?


8:12 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

/bark bark bark

whew! just in time. my dominatrix! i threw out the ottoman for real this time!! pant pant!!! my skunktress! my heart!


boyed: see the valentine to my teacher at the roost


8:38 AM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Contessa Vaneeeeele,

It takes more than a bustier and leather gloves, my dear. It takes Frosty Paws, homemade meatballs, long walks, and belly rubs to fight for a pooch. Hah!

(Sidenote: Have fun when you come up here to NYC! I love the city in the summertime!)

~ Miss Eyre

8:41 AM  
Blogger infinitesimal said...

Oh Miss Eyre,

I have homemade MEATBALLS all right.

Big and JUICY....

(spicy too)

I used to live in Alphabet City...then Williamsburg

but i am traveling with granny, so will not take her to the Loisada.



you have drooled on my boots.
Please lick it up.

1:00 PM  
Blogger X. Dell said...

K9, do you think we could stoke infinitesimal's suggestion of a three-way wrestling match in vanilla pudding and string bikinis? Think of the odds we can get on that!

5:33 PM  
Blogger Percival said...

"K9" - just left this comment to Cora's blog...

Cora - seems to me this would all make more sense to put on hold until you get back {from her grandfather's funeral} and say you're ready. I'm going to put a note to that effect on my blog -

cc Cosmo, K9

5:59 PM  
Blogger Mayden's Voyage said...

Percy - I'll be back by the weekend and ready to enjoy all of this properly...

Infi. and K9- LOL! Pitch for both teams? (does she mean softball?)
Spikey boots and a bustier? (Halloween is not until October!)
Room in the doghouse???
(are there fleas in there?)
And frosty paws and meatballs?

Pup- darling- there are 2 sides to you! You long for the pure love of a maid who will ask you to sleep at the foot of her bed, feed you a steak from table, and give you lots of kisses on your nose.

However, you also seem to crave the collar, and the whip...and dark allure of a Dom. (I understand- I often crave Billy Idol, as you know!)

If I win you, it's only for 30 days...but with Infi. around- imagine what I could learn???

Hmmmm :) With her as a teacher- you'd have all you ever wanted in ONE chick... ME!!! :)

Light and Dark, all in one cookie...just like an oreo :)

And for the wrestling match- can I have chocolate pudding???

6:54 PM  
Blogger K9 said...

/bark bark bark

xdell: yeah, odds! then... infomercial videos and a world tour, t-shirts and "plush" /howl

OMG mayden! i just rolled over!
name ya flava!

vanille and the bird and the mayden. thats what i call a biscuit! grrrrherherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

*receives sharp rap to the hip with rolled paper*

we all are feeling for you mayden. take care of yourself.


7:29 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Gee K9, and here I thought a nice invite from me to watch "Lady and the Tramp" would send your heart a flutter. :( I can't compete with all of this switch hitting and red leather.

7:56 PM  
Blogger K9 said...

/bark bark bark

dear lady jane: i have just come from your estate! everything about you sets my heart a flutter....including whats in your purse and your cupboard, your dresses, your sea view.....

i've never read your book. i might get the cliff notes though. now that would NEVER cross my mind... until now.


8:12 PM  
Blogger Lady Wordsmith said...

Good evening K9

I hope you are doing well, save the rolled news-paper swats to your hip? I must say, you seem to be well cared for here in your crib. (And if I may say it, you’ve quite the fans. Oft I have seen pooches wagging and doing their damnedest to gain the attention of their masters and other ‘two-leggers’ - but you seem to have a group of very comely ladies all happily vying for some of yours!)

Thank you, kindly for the visit to my space. I’ll have to wait a bit more to see if I shall also be thanking you for the extra attention you’ve brought at Sir Percy B. Silly’s place.

Kindly yours,

PS: I visited your other spot. Not only do you have superb flow, but a keen eye as well. Great shots. Even better commentary.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

saw your notes at my roost. i have been out most of the day watching the giants play poorly. wild rides indeed (this manner of speech is infectious...heavens to betsy - we need a bit of aunty belle's dialect right now).

i am quite insulted by percival (i do hope you lay him low when the time is appropriate). he dared to refer to me as a pigeon!

cheeky fellow. crush him!

regardless of outcome, apparently all the ladies are actually quite smitten with you. and more are flocking to your crib every day.

you are a clever dog!


9:52 PM  
Blogger schaumi said...

my, my..
quite well done, K9..

4:52 AM  
Blogger infinitesimal said...

You have submitted.
and suggested an apprenticeship.
I accept.

Which means we can have equal time in training the Puppy.

However, due to the exuberance of X Dell
and the fact that K9 is in media relations
I concur that there should be more than two combatants.

Initially I had challenged you to a duel in vanilla pudding (Being the Vanille Bitch,. it was a natural choice)

However; X Dell has taken that ball and run with it, turning the premise into a 3 way wrestling match.

So I propose this:
You and me tag team in the vanilla pudding in the first round and take on two of the bitches who were harrassing you previously.

First we kick their asses in vanilla and then move into chocolate pudding and give them the SMACKDOWN!!!!!!

What do you say Cora?
Want me to teach you how to lick your opponents?

You need to come up with a wrestling superstar name then.... give it some thought.
I am sure your readers will have suggestions.

~The Socket Wench~

7:19 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

whoa VB - I might have to promote this wrestling match at my roost - goodness!

k9 - we seem to have entered into the baseball debates - a lovely way to pass the time...hahaha - see my comment for you back at my nest.

8:17 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

i've come beggin' you rotten rot for some new "flow"


not the poem desired by the mayden,
but anything good fellow,
that will cause this other language to be fadin'!

the good percival's twisted tongue
has me undone.

methinks i'm stuck - cans't not
stop this bowdlerlization,
we needest some rappin sensations!

canest notest thouest speakest plain? lay down the lines,
give some recognition,
some modern-day, hip-hoppin' cognition?

discourse - smiscourse! c'mon daddy-o - let it rip, let it flow!

this romantic poetry speak is causing my tongue to go lame!
i have you to blame (you started this mess - now quick, pretty please, give us some of your best).

can you deliver fresh goods to the hood?

sqauwk! squawk! (see-est thou, i can'st not evenest spell mine own sound!)


6:06 PM  
Blogger infinitesimal said...

Big UPs to

MC DD Big Pinks




7:23 PM  
Blogger Aunty Belle said...

LAWDY Mercy!! What is goin' on over heah? YA'll is frayin' and froein'...

Sigh...how in the tucket is an ole biddy s'ppose ter keep up wif this heah erudite exchange?

Pup? I doan know, sugar, but five ter one is a good sandbag, I'd say....seems ter me that Percy and CosBerry ain't wise ter the game youse a playin'.. they's a difference 'tween the hound of the baskerville and the hound of " unhurrying chase, And unperturbèd pace,"


Jewel of the Air, thanky fer yer call...cold is their stilted perfection , lacks the warmth of southern circumspection.

9:35 PM  
Blogger K9 said...

/bark bark bark

boyed! thats some smokin hot rappery "youse" flowin
(see aunty's back)

ditto vanille! yay! the socket wench? another cool alias for the MC canDDy wrapper!

lady wordsmith: your visit is an honor. thank you for stopping by. i'll range by after this affair has seen its end......see you at the duel, then?

aunty? where have you been? you see i lost my southern fried mimicry and got infected by the 19th century! baskerville? aunty no! no more literature!
i just want to lay in the shade and work some rawhide.


7:03 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

/bark bark bark

btw aunty: nice mini rap below
you got the knowledge and da flow.


headed to CenFla mid august back to the ranch
give it another try for the blue cypress?
didja see the story in the sunday sentinel about the end of florida cowboys in osceola county???


7:08 AM  
Blogger K9 said...


not "below"....above


7:09 AM  
Blogger infinitesimal said...

K9 met Freya.....

Snail Mail to ATL


11:44 AM  
Blogger Aunty Belle said...

Dawg, youse wadin' into the blue cypress? This time I'm gonna find ya! Mebbe Q qill hep me. Well, nosey as I be, I hear tell that youse befriendin' a Bebe bull down that-a way, planning to chew the rawhide fer a spell.

Naw, didn't see the cowboy demise in The Slantinel, cause I'se traversin' holepaw territory in real time yesterdy, but will look fer the article. Dang it. East Tex ain't mah next direction. Too far from the ocean, pup.

Thanky fer the rap-praise. Lovin' this word-duel.

5:48 AM  
Blogger boneman said...

I've oft been misunderstood, for my incomplete thoughts and ideas,
but here, better stated is what I meant....
And it may not so much please you, though truthfully spoken, and that's not its intent,
Rather that I'm better at paints than with words.....
but, there's something I gotta tell you nerds...
So, let fly! Let fly! The words, here they come, better explaining the thing that I had earlier sent.

I’m sorry t’say, when it comes to the subject of fidelity
The three of you have all failed the parameter test.
The only thing left for Cora to approve
Is which poem was actually constructed best.

And, I gotta say, that without a doubt, the best construction done, out and out,
Was J COSMO NEWBERRY, but, the funniest one was done by the mutt.

Look back and you’ll see the truth of the words, my new friends,
If I may still count myself in that set
But the contents were to be of fidelity, fidelity without ends,
(And, I should have taken x up on his bet.
For of this subject, I know far too well, have long lived without woman, for vows taken
Even though sometimes I awaken in the night, wet.)

(be that as it may....)

Of fidelity you were to write, and yet all three have failed the test.
Sorry, but tis true, and the only thing left t’do
Is for the fair Maiden to choose which was crafted best.

You see, the idea was to describe something of fidelity,
and yet all , though they had no call,
Disparaged the one point of truth, diparaged Lee Kennedy.

Here is a man whose wife still knows his touch
On her neck, on her knee, on her ear, none was too much,
Still slipping into the bathtub with her, still softly nibbling things
And massaging her, till her happiness he brings.
I dare not go further, for I respect greatly the man,
If he were t’ask all, I would give all I can.

Check out his age, yon ninnies, wet eared upstarts,
He doesn’t fondle any of the other young tarts.
I think that to just mention Lee Kennedy
Is to state the epitome of fidelity.

Still, that thou were all curs on this matter
Means only that sweet maiden need pick the best crafted.
I’m without a doubt on this point, right.
But, somewhat dissapointed.
Your aims seemed to be, I dunno, “anti-flatter?”
and now , is the moment gone? , is all seriousness wafted.
…..and yon maiden has gone into the night
And since her ears won’t hear it, let me ask you this, did you think you were competing to get from her boinkted?

Come now, lads! ( I don’t even know the big dog)
When I first saw your craftings, I was so impressed
I offered an apology for even thinking I could joust words
With two fine word crafters as yourselves, who would have guessed?

So?TRY AGAIN! a motto I know all too well,
But, craft from the subject and not narcissicism.
Show yer true colors, ring like a bell.
And just in case you can’t take this criticism,

Just read back what you have all written
As if you were the very competition.
See the villainous taint you have cast from perdition.
Try again, and I’m sure you’ll have her permission.

11:05 AM  

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