The History of K9 Part 3: The Poetry Duel

As K9 developed his rotty persona he ranged far and wide on the internets leaving his fragrant steaming hot browns in unsuspecting blogger's com boxes. sometimes starting trouble, sometimes making friends. finally, and fatefully, he landed one evening on the blog known as Maydens Voyage in the middle of a duel between two poets; the flowery victorian kind. their old school vocabulary and gestures of chivalry cried out for a dark horse fly in the ointment type. so in typical K9 fashion, the dog inserted himself, uninvited, into the duel.

K9 threw a challenge down to the other poets with this rappery:

(this is what we do to poets 'round here)

why i make this post? let me be real clear:
i found myself a MAYDEN
and a nordic one at that
but i found her fire fadin'
so im preppin for combat

with a duo in a duel
yeah some men of poetry
so I'm throwin' down a jewel
of niner rappery

yeah im the dark horse in this race
and there aint no greater cause
to protect my mayden fair of face
from their literary paws

if ya'll be mackin' on my mayden
i'll be sneaking her away
like the bar-b-que you grilled
on independence day

she gonna choose a suitor
on their words alone
so im singing out my rap
with a bark of baritone

i don't need no learning
or thesaurus thickened book
i'll sway her with my yearnin'
and my nanny-killin' look

i'm turning maydens head
with my juicy rap ebonics
so what if you well read?
you jus suckin' on ya phonics!

to the poets i say:

i ruled ya, i drooled ya, flipped ya over and i skooled ya
i left a steamin brown, flipped you back and put it down
i floated and i stinged, left you peak-ked in da ring
i was bad; i was pretty
ya'll left town
feeling shitty

cause the dog sneaked in
before this dress rehersal
now its too late for the wedding
'cause i "pinged her universal"*


* pinged her universal refers to a comment i made about successful art

well, percival, who's blog no longer exists, (but i think is a guy named Paul) wrote this reply:

O vile Pretender!

Thou art - here me well good man, and tremble - thou art, verily, the George W. Bush of "dogs!"

Affecting a clumsy incoherence, it is clear from thine metrical skills that thou art well acquainted with Keats, Yeats, Teats, Tipsy, and the rest...

An English major I well suspect, who has been putting on the dog of a down-home act.

As the sun goes down on Monday, the sun also sets for thee. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. And seek not to break the rules and ask the Mayden's indulgence by saying, "the dog ate my homework."

In other words, Sir, I publically remind you that the Lady's rules stipulate including something about that darned "Lee Kennedy" dude, which I really found the hardest part of the whole thing...

Ping her universal? Think not even to arrive at the outermost vestibule of her galaxy.

O, unsavory Chameleon!

Cherished praise from this strong competitor Percy. Also in the mix: one J. Cosmo Newberry who i believe can still be seen lurking about at ladies' blogs such as Here is My Heart. My friendship with Xdell developed at this time and he set the odds for the dog at 5:1. in many ways he refereed the games. Mayden made the rules: the winning poem had to have two components: it had to address the concept of "fidelity" and it also had to include a mention of a man in australia known as "Lee Kennedy". The prize was that mayden would turn her full blog attention to the winner of the poetry duel for 30 days.

The dog had many helpers and supporters -im sure the others did too (NOT!). There was a lot of back and forth taunting between the poets and it was a very lively time on the blogs. I cannot tell the whole story as critical parts are missing. But in Maydens and K9's archives there stands (like a monument grrrherhahaha) a record of the most entertaining and interactive blogging season this dog has ever had. and the comments were priceless. Many friendships were forged in this time and the dog's earlier days as a troublemaker seemed to be forgiven.

finally the deadline arrived and K9 submitted this entry:
** the morse code and chemistry is the part that addresses the required component of the blogger known as Lee**

was it
nutmeg psychosis
morse code neurosis:

-.- .---- -.- .---- -.- .----

(dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.
dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.
dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.)

sweet equation

β-D-fructo-furanosyl 4-chloro-4-deoxy-


the aussie man lee
and fidelity
the detective and the post

the niner of K
the den of may
the voyage and a boast

gloves thrown down
photos and browns
a discussion of what is true.

silly bros
erudite foes
its what dogs were built to do

-.- .---- -.- .---- -.- .----

(dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.
dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.
dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.)


well i was called fidelis from my very first day
i dogpaddled here to bark it out and have my say
id never let a digger do a dig on my lady
wouldnt let 'em dis her or imply that she were shady
id protect her virtue with my K9 high karate
and channel-surf her chakras like a bodisatva rottie

a spectral force unseen just in case shes ever scared
a poem for her pleasure with my inner dog laid bared
but when she falls alseep tonight the canine ranges on
to form a fragrant steamer for another blogger's lawn.
though i can't stay a month in her digital abode
anytime she needs me she can telegraph my code

-.- .---- -.- .---- -.- .----

(dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.
dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.
dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.)

-.- .---- -.- .---- -.- .----

(dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.
dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.
dash dot dash, dot dash dash dash.)

i'm fadin'
but true to you i'll be

m' lady's voice
the niner's choice
of sound fidelity

sound fidelity....
sound fidelity...
sound fidelity................


my most cherished comment came from the bird which hinted at my very unfair advantage: that of being a "lady" masquerading as a rottweiler. grrrrrherhahahaha

bird's comment:

..."i felt that percy's flow (given his genre) was pretty good - in fact, ALMOST, but not quite, rivaling yours (and certainly superior to cosmo's - whose composition i found rather boring.)

but you in, addition to the superior flow, have produced a unique composition - it provides the unexpected: morse code, equation,

and, here, i'm trying to recall verbatim how i phrased it over at percy's place, in your composition, you express some values that are most endearing to the female heart - though you are a rogue of sorts, you offer both protection and freedom - no woman can pass up that combination - it's perfect!"

of course, the dog won the day. However, instead of having Mayden's 30 days of attention, K9 chose to do a series of posts with her as a muse - channelling the art of other artists; for example

/bark bark bark

/bark bark bark
our lady of perpetual bloggers

In this time, a beautiful friendship between K9 and Mayden was born. and it would be put to the test in the final chapter: The Islamic War: a massive blog dogfight.

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still coasting on others work: I love this

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrherherherherherhahahaha! at 1:38 (amputation "boop")