4.27.2009


im eating a sack of oreos
i can't see a reason not to
cellulites not a worry
in the summer of bird-swine flu

my cookies, they are laced
with terminator seed
a chocolate subsidy
in the epic age of greed

i washed the cookies down
with milk of lipitor
and stuffed my ears with lead
so i dont hear you snore

i dreamed i was so fat
my carbon footprint killed
my oil it oozed like lava
until the rivers filled

you looked on in horror
and i laughed with delight
im eating a sack of oreos
each and every night

Labels: , , ,

50 Comments:

Blogger dr.alistair said...

tomorrow i shall ride 50 kilometers in your honour.....

....and what swine flu?

similar to sars?

what sars?

all i saw was a bunch of compulsive hand-washing bureaucrats furiously hand-washing.

oh yeah, and a couple of orientals wearing surgical masks.

high comedy.

8:29 PM  
Blogger tinkerbell the bipolar faery said...

Save some oreos for me, k?

9:13 PM  
Blogger Aunty Belle said...

BWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOL!

SIde-splittin hilarious--oh I can jes' see Big Dawg 's face all fumed...an "epic age of greed" is fab u lous!

12:25 AM  
Blogger the walking man said...

Tell me o scriber;
in a bag of oreos
is there enough fiber
to make your poetry flow?

And in the washroom
in going to go is it nice and smooth
or
do the oreos your bunghole abuse?

3:02 AM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Those Oreos are made by a corporation that did business with Wall Street bankers. Since we bailed them out, we now are the proud owners of those toxic assets consumed by the speaker of the poem. Don't you love owning yet more crap?

4:49 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

dr:

pray for me, dear doctor
for i have kissed a fowl
i am surely doomed
i cough instead of howwwwl


faery:

i left some cookies for you
last drawer on the left
i hid them in the back
to stop the spousal theft

aunty:

when the husband worries
about my cookie intake
i tell him not to worry
and eat a slice of cake

when im the circus lady
i will wear a sign
it will have his photo
and the words will read "he's mine"

grrrrrhahahahahaha

walking man:

first i filled the rivers
next up come the seas
i shat an oreo mountain
and creamy centered trees

yes i was oh so green
recycled all the waste
people said their veggies
had a chocolate taste

enemy:

we have a bloody fortune
in worthless fiat paper
"in God we trust" they dissed
and it all went up in vapor

5:33 AM  
Blogger Gnomeself Be True said...

Sweet...

7:13 AM  
Blogger Blanche DuBois said...

I only eat Oreos before I go to the dentist. I like to get my money's worth and the hygenist is very pretty.

7:37 AM  
Blogger Blanche DuBois said...

Oh, was this a "Fuck Monsanto" post?

7:38 AM  
Blogger TROLL Y2K said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:10 AM  
Blogger moi said...

Can’t craft a clevah answer, grrrrrrl
‘Cause I’ve launched a deliberate assault
Against my thighs, over aerobicized,
With mega-bags of Cheetos from Wal-mart.

(At least my SHOES will always fit.)

8:18 AM  
Blogger Aunty Belle said...

Now wait ONE minute: Is y'all
thigh bigots? I'll have Troll know that "thunder thighs" is hate speech.

I thinks billowy, marshmallowy thighs is gorge-ous.

8:42 AM  
Anonymous AL ( bigger the cushion) GORE said...

Who's thunder-thighs cause
the earth to quake as she walks?
Tipper or K9?

8:42 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

gnome:

yes im sweet like cupcakes
cause i drank all the batter
my husband was alarmed
"honey, whats the matter?"

i said i was all anxious
'bout the end of liberty
he said he too was anxious
about my fleshy knees

blanche:

a kindness to a stranger!
does not involve black cookies
clean up for miss hygenist
so she'll share with you her nookies

every breath i take
exhales monsanto scorn
ive got a weird and evil chicken
that ate their improved corn

troll:

tipper is a lightweight
compared to mighty me
i'll smother her dumb husband
in our menage a three

moi:

what has happened to us?
we used to be so fit!
just overwhelmed with angst i guess
and cannot give a shit

i ate a bunch of cookie dough
chased that with 3 meat pizza
now my ass is wider
than the choc at Chitzen Itza

8:43 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

aunty:

surely you do not suggest
that im a big thigh bigot
i put my mouth open wide
beneath the chocolate spigot

al gore:

see answer to troll

8:50 AM  
Blogger /t. said...

we'd need
john steed
in a land o' greed
to speed the seed
o' 'pocalypse weed
'n feed indeed
what k9 bleed
'n /t. done peed
until we freed

o say can you see
by dawn's early light
end o' the day
into the night

ok ok
that be my rap
k9 rules
/t. be crap

buck up, beauty -- hurricane season is right around the corner ;)

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

8:53 AM  
Blogger fishy said...

Feed the political swine
With Oreo cookies divine
Oh lace them indeed
With poisoned termed seed
To perish in their ravine
Of inexcusable greed

9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Big Dawg hides the cookies
K9 witholds the nookies
What shall come to pass
Except lots o chocolaty gas?

9:13 AM  
Blogger boneman said...

well, live and learn, eh?
Like the words conservative and liberal. Like the words dumbocrat and republicant (I still think there should be a prize for republicant. Ol' Bogs came up with gold, that time)
After I read and responded to your comment? I watched the naked girl strip and tell me how PeTA is bad.
Astonished that she ended saying "part two coming up soon" ....
wait a minute.
There ISN'T a part two!
Beggers!
So, I replaced it with one that is anti-peta.

(sadly, thugh, I felt it necessary to explain my politics again, but, realize even now that it has never been the title, has it?

Hold with me for a moment.
If we all lived in China right now...you, your hubby, your dogs and chickens, and me, my dogs, cats, whatever.
Would we really be any different? Even if religion isn't authorized, wouldn't we still help each other? Work our work. Live our lives as best as we could?

I think yes, we would.
I know I would.

What if it was illegal to help our neighbors?
Well, bad news there. It is illegal to help our neighbors. Here. Now.
In Florida they threw some guy in jail for feeding a homeless man. (now, if he was feeding the homeless guy to a shark, well, that would be different)
In Indiana it's illegal to put coins in the meters of cars parked on the street when they run out of time, unless it's that person's car.
Weird, huh?
Still, I do.
I also help whenever I can, and have been known to give food and or money to beggers on the streets.

Wait...what am I doing here?....
Oh yeah.

I changed the video, but left the comments. Anna-Lys gave me hell for doing that, once.
I thought I should say something about it, incase you wanted to change your words or delete or call.
(what? Poker? I'm terrible at poker)

9:38 AM  
Blogger boneman said...

omigod! You've caught the poetry diease!
I'm FREE I'M FREE!

9:40 AM  
Blogger dr.alistair said...

i put a quarter in an expired meter the other day...

... a selfless act?

no, it made me feel good actually.

fucking metermaids.

and thanks for reminding me about fiat currency and our conscription into servitude via debt.

jeez.....

2:01 PM  
Blogger dr.alistair said...

oh yeah, poetry.

there was a man from the north

who typed whatever came forth,

this got him in trouble

bursting some bubbles,

but what the hell.

2:04 PM  
Blogger ..................... said...

now i want oreos too ;/
but you can keep the lipitor
and the bird-swine flu..

heck .. you can keep the oreos too ..
i've lost my appetite for them .. :)

5:57 PM  
Blogger Reverend X said...

I fear the flu. I do. I do.
Do you to? do you fear the flu?

Aw fuck it. I can not lie..
I really do not fear to die.
The dreaded sleep. The final scare..
13 seconds after, u will not care.
Whether allah, christ or noone greets
or life itself simply repeats.

When it's my time, I'll simply die.
Whether done by pig or .45.
I will not tremble, gasp all spastic.
Cuz I've done my part to make Earth plastic.

In Memory of George Carlin 1937-2008

10:05 PM  
Blogger the walking man said...

ha ha hahahahahahahahahaha YOU ROCK DOG!!

2:19 AM  
Blogger fishy said...

Tocqueville said,

"The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the people with the public's own money".

We have arrived, pass the oreos.

3:54 AM  
Blogger Dani said...

I've been feelin; quite pissy myself lately.

5:59 AM  
Blogger Dani said...

Ack! I can't even type well today!
;0

6:00 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

/t:

i'll bring the poetry
and you bring the code
youve got beans and weenies ;-)
and i will lock and load

we will build a dugout
and fill it up with art
but if we eat those beans
then we will soon depart

fishy:

oh no dear fishy!
dont you know?
they killed the pigs
in an overblow

they pointed to the pigs
a blame it must be laid
but everybody know
its what BigPharma made

anonymous:

some likes em thin
and others like em big
some need heels and handcuffs
and some play house in wigs

but our house is so white bread
Wonder wants our secret
they offered free viagra
we said "buddy, you can keep it"



boney:

you really never need
to explain yourself anew
in every comment box
your philosophy comes through

dr allistair:

lovely rita meeta maid
what are you going to do?
punish the people with petty fines
in the age of killer flu?

foamy:

when youre a slim shady
as the wildenswine surely be
you can have all those oreos
and dine with impunity

revvy:

oh my friend where you been
what a sorry state we in
how does your collective film progress?
and do you direct it in a dress?
you know i wish you much success
hurry up now before THEY suppress

walking man:

high high praise
from such a stellar bard
sometimes i feel like poetry
when i can get in from the yard

fishy:

soon they will remove me
with a construction crane
i'll be on Jerry Springer
and say "congress is to blame"

people mistook me for a pig
cause i weighed so many pounds
so they killed me for my flu
and my grunty eating sounds

dani:

on the highway of irritants
pissy is preferred to shitty
i feel a little better
when i write these little dittys

creativity, i have said
will be our true salvation
a refuge of the spirit
on the globalist plantation

7:34 AM  
Blogger fishy said...

Keep 'em coming K9!

8:27 AM  
Blogger Boxer said...

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I'm digging my hole
For me and you.

12:39 PM  
Blogger TROLL Y2K said...

iri mo sumu
mono no ne o kiku
amayadori

3:52 PM  
Blogger fishy said...

Guess we are a pair
Experiencing despair
Oreos just won't do
When feeling this bleu

5:36 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

boxer:

dig that hole
and we'll get in
we wont take food
and get so thin

we'll have satellite
and internets
and crafty projects
and all our pets

troll:

domo lo regatto
i dont speak japanese
and neither does babel fish
you language tease

fishy

im not in despair
but the rain might bring me down
i wanted to work on my garden
too wet to turn the ground

next week i have to fly
to the land of nuts and fruit
6 hours on the plane!
anxiety is acute.


gah! i dont want to go.

6:59 AM  
Blogger dianne said...

Honey, I havent got a proper poem in me at the moment. ;)

So enjoy your sack of oreos
washed down with ice cold milk
dont fret about the cellulite
your skin still looks smooth as silk
forget about the lipitor
forget about your thighs
we all have to break out sometimes
and enjoy those sugar highs ♥

7:10 AM  
Blogger Boxer said...

K9 not happy
either am I
I made us a vid
to celebrate
the dig.

7:38 AM  
Blogger TROLL Y2K said...

Under other's eaves
the bandit bitch eats cookies.
Who will stop the reign?


Just my attempt to follow an exercise purportedly designed by Master Senyru himself. He advised students to study people taking shelter under eaves and compose senyru based on that observation.


Yes, I know SOME people think senyru should be kept separate from haiku, but screw em!

9:30 AM  
Blogger piktor said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:58 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

dianne:

i thought your poem
was quite good
you got my sugar woes
its clear you understood

boxer:

you continue to amaze
a remarkable, timely movie!
the pictures were so fitting
and the soundtrack? it was groovy!

piktor:

im touched you took time off
from feeding enemy links
i must be right on track
if of me your opinion stinks

get back to your full time job
which is to smoke obama's peen
your idolatry worship of him's
the most fanatic ive ever seen

bite me!
O victim of cult of personality!

1:25 PM  
Blogger K9 said...

troll:

im as mystified as ever
your haikus are most intriguing
to find the meaning within them
is sometimes quite fatiguing

1:27 PM  
Blogger Ardlair said...

I’m comin’ from a different race,
A different time,
A different space,
There ain’t no Oreos in this here place.
So wise your mind, zip up your face.

The reason that your head got piss’d?
Your lover drunk?
Yer views all diss’d?
Ya never paused to contemplate,
Yer health, yer life, yer ways, yer fate.

Ya never knew an empty plate.
But luxury, ingratiate,
Sold this for that, and that for this,
And art for tat, and tat for piss,
But never took the time to liss………

Ten to the many minds around,
Who on your selfish views enfrowned
And sobb’d and moan’d and gathered round,
To exorcise the toothy hound.

And seek to cleanse it from its ways,
And purge its sins o’er hours and days,
And led it yelping to the well,
Where goodness thrives and evil fell.

So worry not
On cellulite,
And greed and seed,
And just how tight,
Think only of the inner one,

Where good needs be,

When darkness come.

3:39 PM  
Blogger piktor said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4:18 PM  
Blogger Ricardo said...

O-R-E-O!!!

There so much angst in this that you can perform it in a coffee shop. I tagged you for a meme but no need to feel obligated.

9:54 PM  
Blogger K9 said...

ardliar! hey! i knew you'd come out
blood in the ring flared your snout
looks like you wanna play matador
to cult-victim piktors picador

seriously.
are you instructing me?
instructing me on luxury?
im laughing my ass off - i know where you be
first class seat at 1000 x 3



you and piktor are two of a kind
literal joyless judgmental minds
ive been a man a dog and a forest sprite
hint: im not *really* worried 'bout cellulite

you came to this blog to pen for me
six chunks and some change of poetry
thats commitment desire effort and passion
your pretense is giving the dog her ration

listen, ill take a vampire's advice on light
when swine flu pigs fly through the night
finally, i know youd feel realy gypped
if i didnt say "get back in your crypt!"

piktor:

you bore
for you ive got nothing more
(one has to wonder what you come here for)


ricardo:

o -reeeeeee- o
neither dorothy or i will surrender
certainly after such loving and tender
poems been written for lil o me
a tale to tell over a cup of coffee.

6:17 AM  
Blogger Boxer said...

Rose are red
Violets are blue
Piktors jealous
and Ardlair too.


(I think i'm better at videos)

6:56 AM  
Blogger piktor said...

Thy injury

is my shame.

I apologize

8:33 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

boxer:

thank you

piktor:

we must remember that bloggin's a game
theres no fault and theres no blame
in real life i know i am her
and in this space im the sparring cur

its only a virtual boxing ring
we all get our chance to float and sting

i gave you digs as you dug me
we dished em out equally
i want you to know i followed the url
and saved to my desktop the flying squirrel


sorry i was before so short
i received a terrible pet report
so im suspending all sparring for the now
i'll be back *sometime* for another row

5:07 PM  
Blogger Aunty Belle said...

sniff....

12:17 AM  
Blogger Ruela said...

oreos
oreos
oreos
oreos


;)

7:20 AM  
Blogger Aunty Belle said...

dawg--ya back???

DATE the comment please.

Welcome home!! We's ready fer yore first rumble!!

Buckle up folks...woo-hoooo!

9:04 PM  

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