MCW: Most Overrated Film

The English Patient. I hated this movie with the intensity of a thousand dying suns. It won a lot of Oscars. My "friend" took me to see it -she had read the book, loved it and really oversold it. I kept looking over at her saying "really?'

A bunch of aristocrats are in Cairo mapping the desert during WW2 when a lust affair breaks out and basically ruins everyones life (including mine for 3:10 hours) Handsome Hungarian count with bad accent burns up in a plane trying to return to his great love he left in a cave to die. He recounts the story while wrapped in a mummy costume to a pretty nurse whos in love with a Sikh  bomb diffuser. Willem Dafoe hangs around as a drug addicted deserter too. Fun! I didnt give a flip about one person in this movie. All of them selfish pricks. I liked the Sikh actually. Mostly because he was a man of few words.

People talked about the sweeping grandeur of the cinematography. I say a poor imitation of David Lean. You want english people mixing it up with the locals in the desert? I give you Lawrence of Arabia or National Geographic.

Because the embed was disabled, i couldnt show 1:40 minutes worth of the most insufferable jealousy scenes ive ever been embarrassed to be in a theatre with.  Follow this link, watch it, and read the pitiful commentary to follow. I guess the women who find this romantic are the ones who think the Police song "Every breath you Take" is romantic as well. If you like being stalked! Possessive controllers arent sexy, okay? Other candidates for finding this sexy are the kind of dipshits who take up with men, bring them home to be a live-in boyfriend only to end up killed, and to have boyfriend and 12 year old daughter run away and finally be caught after being seen panhandling at a Wal-Mart. That's hot.

I hate Ralph Fiennes. He calls himself "Rafe". In what language does RALPH equal RAFE? Ive tried it out a few times. If your mother smoked crack when you were gestating or have a speech impediment, I can sort of see it.

Rafe makes me want to Ralph.

My clip is a scene from Seinfeld where Elaine pretty much mirrors my response to the movie:

happy MCW!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's some good snarking! Did they determine the 12 year-old went with that Nephew willingly? They hinted at it when I saw the story.

6:46 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

yes, he used is incredible mouth-breathing sexy to lure her into his web. did you see his mughot? you can clearly see he is retarded. (thats right, i said it - you used to could say retarded)

6:53 AM  
Blogger Karl said...

Good morning K9,

Good pick! I'm glad I never bothered to see it.

The story about the wac job and the 12 year old is so weird. Makes you wonder how people get so warped.

Have a happy clip day. Hope you're feeling better.

Moi is right about the Carhart coveralls coupled with the right pair of boots, a hooded sweatshirt and gloves, you can spend all day out an extreme cold and be very comfortable. I've been wearing them for years.

6:58 AM  
Blogger moi said...

Darn it. I used up all my ammo on Avatar. I guess I'm just going to have wait until Karl sends me my grenade launcher to once and for all destroy this hideous waste of celluloid. Rafe Fine is not. Since you brought up mouths and little girls, is it just me, or does Rafe do something with his mug that's the vanilla-skinned Englishman equivalent of Wal-mart pedophile?

7:00 AM  
Blogger Milk River Madman said...

Great review. As I was reading I said to myself "I wonder if she watched Seinfeld" Yahoo!

I don't know anything about the 12 year old story. You can still say retarded. Used that term to describe Obama on my facebook page. Happy MCW

7:15 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

Karl: its a pretty good illustration of the poor reasoning and judgement skills that has america in deep trouble. what are we now? like, 45th in math and science. we have real housewives and cheap consumer goods but we dont have enough grit to do something about our country being hijacked and destroyed. it makes me want to beat rafe fine down in frustration. Yeah, the carharts are a good idea. im tired of my soggy jeans.

moi: i dont like slick euroguys anyway. and this one is the worst. youre reacting to rafe's weak chin. makes for a bad mouth too. his mom probably smoked crack.

7:30 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

MRM: i am in an open revolt against PC. remember free speech? it used to be a priceless gift of our forefathers blood.

happy MCW

7:33 AM  
Blogger Pam said...

"Rafe makes me want to Ralph"!!!! GRRRHAHAHHAHAHAH! Best line EVER. Again, this is a movie that I liked the first time around. At the theater on the large screen. I think this is one that I sat through all by myself too ... I used to do that a lot when I had a free afternoon to myself. Go pick a movie that no one else would want to see except me. Oh well, now it is just so much melodrama. The character is a stalker, plain and simple. But the part of the story that I love? The nurse and the Indian bomb-squad guy. Now that was a love story.

9:16 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

pam: my friend said that in the book, that WAS the principle love story - and i agree with you. the nurse and Sikh were the better people. i havent been to a movie since no country for old men. however, next tuesday is winter solstice and i always spend it with my best friend. we are going to see Black Swan and then out for drinks. i'll report back. happy MCW

9:50 AM  
Blogger Boxer said...

EXCELLENT trashing on this movie. Which I managed to never see. zzzzzzz. It was my evil-ex-sister-in-law's FAVORITE movie and therefore I knew I'd hate it. After reading this post, I'm 100% happy with my decision to boycott.

10:12 AM  
Blogger Joanna Cake said...

LMAO! I was soooo looking forward to the English Patient after all the hype but then some b4st4rd told me the end a few days before I sat down with the dvd.

Totally ruined it. I cannot agree with you over Ralph, K9. Schindler's List - he is the only man I know who could make a Nazi sexy. He was also good in The Reader.

10:16 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

you know what cake, i liked him best as a nazi too. he was a bit chunkier as i recall.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Boxer said...

I'm seeing Black Swan as soon as it opens in Seattle.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Buzz Kill said...

Wow, what torqued you up? Bwahahaha Nice rant. I agree this movie was extremely boring except for the Kristin Scott Thomas naked scenes. Rafe Fine (bwahaha to Moi) is a creepy guy in the same vein as Jeremy Irons. They could be brothers.

Happy MCW!

6:19 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

I was hoping the English patient was Prince Charles and the nurse was the one from "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest".

7:18 PM  
Blogger Aunty Belle said...

"Rafe makes me want to Ralph."

No kiddin'! What a simperin' weasel ole Rafey is. every time some buffy casts him as a romantic lead , I skip the movie. Ditto Kristin Scott Thomas whose hairline seems to recede another inch each year--get some bangs, fer Pete's sake.

The book was better, but who is surprised?

The use of "retarded" is offensive, Chick9, with few exceptions--MRM has the hang of it.

I never have ever seen a single Seienfeld. I'se kulturally challenged, so thanks fer the intro.

1:01 AM  
Blogger dr.alistair said...

no country for old men. now that`s a movie.

i haven`t seent he movie you are referring to, but it smacks of chick flick, so i would have steered clear on principle.

like the twilight shite.

no wonder so many women have unrealistic expectations.

and the term retarded is accurately descriptive of form and function, so has to unallowed politically so that we can`t describe accurately what we are seeing with our own two eyes.....

....retard, retards, retarded, retardation...hmm, all descriptive of some familiar things...but i`m not allowed to say/think/act upon.

7:14 AM  
Blogger foam said...

i saw this movie several years ago at home on hbo.
i don't remember much of it except that i got up bunches of times and did other things while the movie was on. i guess that sums it up for me.
i remember walking out of a movie. it was one of those national lampoon vacation movies. what disasters those were.

11:44 AM  

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