11.17.2008

the real housewives of atlanta

this one is for a.b. and moi and the big shamu : a little ditty to celebrate the end of the atlanta housewife train wreck for this season:

it's a ho-down! a showdown!
tonight they gonna throw down!
the real atlanta housewives
contrive to thrive
but thats just jive

i heard from a lil bit-tay bird-day
that miss Kimmy the Kat
she of platinum dreads
(that shyt up on her head - i mean it is hard to conceive of so dreadful a weave)
has been DUMPED by her married indian developer boyfriend
big poppa
whatta show stoppa!
a stunning revelation
for this vacuous abomination
you caint sang grrrrrrrrrl. you cant!
and then you rant
on NeNe's little ditty bout how you
think you is so damn pretty and that aint all thats wrong
you aint never ever ever gonna record that song
with Dallas
meanwhile, not to be callous but how about
sheree
dear God people. her. time. is. worth. something.
she is known for fashion
and i offer this in all compassion
damn, not really
your clothing line was silly and














seriously
when you demonstrated that spread eagle
move on the pole
i swear it touched me in my soul
you really ARE the classy one
the sassy one
the face as long as lassie one

she say:

"kim's the white me; we both so pretty
and thats what drives the other women "kitty"
they haters! thas all
they jealous and enthralled!"

on each others egos they feast
constantly feeding that hungry beast
that's why that friendship is strong
this we have seen all along



btw
what in the hell is wrong
with
deshawn?
that girl aint got it goin on
of all the five she brings the yawn
her lips is frozen
and she cant say "jewelry"
thats probably why there was no flurry at her
JURRY show
nothing sold! an embarrassing flop
*sorry honey* 'bout that
thirty thousand i dropped!


desahwn, now
c'mon
why not just give the money
directly to them girls?
cuz there aint no glory! no fanfare! no
ME ME ME ME ME
and no picture in the pages of society
ya chunky too
and your child shrieks for pancakes like a little tyrant



but Nene's the one who is defiant!
her song on Kimmy was oh so correct
"a hot tranny pageant show reject"
(okay she didnt sing that; that one was mine
but hey i needed to put in that line)





and lawd! curtis is not your father.
dont ever bother
going to a country ass tarot reader
for God's sake Ne Ne!
let your "ont" be your leader
leave it alone
them cousins just want a piece of your home
remember a third is not
a lot - it certainly isnt a half
that was last weeks favorite laugh



now for Lisa
the energizer bunny
nothing about her is remotely funny
she stable and perky and cute and quirky
but i heard a rumor just this day
how ol stable lisa done give away
and lost control on the reunion day


guess who she hit?
and who's gonna sue?
is lisa the shit?
dunno
i think the dark side
has made its debut
i like ed
i do.
i liked his speedo movie
i think the date nights at the house
are really kinda groovy
but i do have a little dig for all of ya


you dont live in atlanta.
none of yall do! ya live in
DULUTH!
that is the truth.
admit it poseurs.
and there aint no trees at any of yall houses
so naw, we aint jealous.

Labels: ,

43 Comments:

Blogger frizzy scissorhands said...

grrrherherhehe ...

luv the rappery.

train wreck indeed. i hate reality tv.

12:21 AM  
Blogger foam said...

yo..
luv the rappery too..
i didn't even know this show existed until last week when i found my husband infront of the tv watching this female trying to sell very expensive jewelry. lol ..
he informed me that he was watching atlanta housewifes. he's not into reality tv, but i think the plunging necklines got his attention .. grrrrrhahaha...

3:25 AM  
Blogger moi said...

This is rappin' Jurry, gurrrrrl! Sentences that wrap themselves around and around the tongue like big ol' blingy strands of pure, high hilarity.

ya chunky too
and your child shrieks for pancakes like a little tyrant


I can't breathe, that's so funny.

5:14 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

frizzy: i do too yet somehow i watch a ton of it. like top chef, project runway and this monster. but my absolute spellbinding favorite of all time is "my super sweet sixteen" i swear to God this show gives me the apocalyptic jitters! good to see ya grrrrrl

foam: yeah what is up with all the BOOB flesh? man my back hurts just looking at this women.

moi: do you remember that scene at breakfast? hell she has a chef - her hands are free to beat the whine right out of that child. grrrherhahahaha!

5:28 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

at first i thought deshawns teeth were wired together when she say "jewelry" like this

jurry



honey? buy me some pretty sparkly JURRY

5:30 AM  
Blogger /t. said...

have never
seen this show,
or any housewives,
but always love your
seriously funny k9 rappery

you got the moves, girl, and a way with words!

grrherhahaha

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

6:09 AM  
Blogger iamnot said...

You know, I'm fairly certain there are any number of classy women in Atlanta. Of course, they would not make for such "entertaining" tv.

TV is attempting to find the center of the earth. Every time it hits bottom, it digs harder.

6:34 AM  
Blogger Aunty Belle said...

dawg!! Whar's mah tabasco??

Gick--who can watch this stuff?? WHO???

Heh heh. (NEW BACK PORCH POST --youse gonna like it, heh.)

7:40 AM  
Blogger A.B. said...

Bwahahahahaa - YOU are more talented than all five of those women and THEN SOME.

If Kimmy the Kat is dumpy, who gonna pay for those 14K bracelets? Oh geez, she may to reveal her real age and get a job? AHAHAHAHAH.

I saw a preview of Michael Knight from Project Runway telling Sheree something she doesn't likey and she's giving him some major stink eye. And, that classy lady was arrested twice at the age of 20 in Ohio for shoplifting .... clothes!

Can't wait until tonight.

8:49 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

aunty: no no. i held BACK because i thought you might drop by. oh no it was far more foul (and funny) before i exercised some editing judgement.

a.b.: lets see. if Kimmy had saved even the things we saw her buy on the show:

58,000 escalade
14,000 bracelet
18,000 daughters party
6800 clothes

she would have almost a hundred grand to move on an build a real life. maybe put it in the bank, er, mattress? maybe buy her daughter some braces instead of a louis vuitton bag?

i knew from day one she would get the axe from suga daddy. no man could absorb the kind of ridicule resulting from supporting an abject moron.

shocker: she really is only 30.

!

9:07 AM  
Blogger Infinitesimal said...

MOST EXCELLENT

that blondie, I once went trolling sugardaddy websites looking to see what men were like, powerful rich men, what are they like.

Well I never did meet up with any of them but had some interesting conversations.

A most excellent lesson in the psychology of personality.

And that blondie? She is the exact type who was SERIOUSLY trolling around, sending out crotch shots.

Then there is the kind of chick who is devious, who plots to wheedle $$ and parlay.

These girls (I once had one for a roommate) have an interesting sense of pride.

They are the exact opposite as me.
But, interestingly enough.

Girrrl someday over that kamakazi, I will need to tell you what I learned about the male gender that summer.

I thank you for this juicy meaty rhyme so sublime gossip most highest from blogger's most finest.


PS
I finished making it, an am going to send it sooner than later.

10:19 AM  
Blogger A.B. said...

noooooo, she is?

she's gonna look really bad at 40 then.

11:49 AM  
Blogger TROLL said...

Now I'm glad I spend Monday Evenings stabbing myself with a large fork.

I'm assuming this show is on Monday.

1:26 PM  
Blogger moi said...

A.B., I KNOW, huh? Hello, that's some awfully rode hard and put up wet thirty.

(lol at Troll, too.)

2:27 PM  
Blogger K9 said...

vanille: those videos you posted were jolting. maybe i should stop getting all lovey with dovey? grrherhahaha. thanks for the rap! i had trouble with yahoo and saw only one picture. you looked great.
i definitely want to hear all of what you learned.

a.b. i thought she already did look bad at 40. grherha

troll: no its tonight. it is fun in the same way american idol was - gives us a sense of community to slaughter the bravo sacrificial lambs each morning after the show. grherhaha er, except with this show there isnt any talent.

moi: with a funky mane

4:02 PM  
Blogger Big Shamu said...

HOLD PLEASE, Hi, K9, I have MTV Raps on line 1, are you available or tell them the same thing I told Rap City?


I never understand why any of these Wives think they come out looking good after these programs? I have to believe that divorce attorneys, IRS Agents and Child Protective Services workers are all watching for some easy work. Did any of these women make their own money or did they all marry into it? What happens when the men dump their asses? Please tell me there's going to be a Trailer Park version of Atlanta Housewives because The K-A-T is about to be the Queen of one. OH and what is the law in Georgia on drinking while driving? Maybe we can have a crossover episode with COPS! Or Divorce Court for K-A-T for whatever wife Big Poppa is cheating on.
Don't even get me started on the homework help and fractions.

5:25 PM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Oh, K9, I don't understand this at all.

I assume they aren't married to Wall Street bankers.

9:00 PM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Nothing like staged reality TV. Fortunatly Goober and his wife Tanqueray, their brains thoroughly soaked with hours of watching NASCAR believe its real and that's what counts with the TV execs. Join my new organization "GASP'" Gas All Stupid People...

9:34 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

my singing is a God Given talent and I won't have you bitches ruining my good **cough **cough** name because I am one Klassy Lady **cough, honey hand Mommy her smokes**

Big Poppa is stoopid for dumping my klassy ass and I'll be selling my jurely on ebay.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Big Shamu said...

After reading Kim's profile and favorite book, I now know why she prefers not to wear panties...

10:58 AM  
Blogger BBC said...

I have no idea what you talked about, something on TV? I don't watch TV.

I dated a lady from Atlanta for two weeks when she was visiting here three years ago.

What a spoiled bitch.

5:40 PM  
Blogger fishy said...

K9....I cannot believe a fine sensitive artist like you would pollute your gray matter with these trash visions! Judging by you rap....this isn't a one time drop in, you watched the season!!!!
Is it like being unable to look away from watching a plane crash....watching the decline of a culture ? I saw a trailer for this show and the contents were so vile I was stunned this could be on regular tv.

3:56 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Hey you little fish, I'm not trash! I am klassy. My wigs are made from real hair, not polyester and my married boyfriend treats me real good.

**cough** ** cough** and I'm going to be a big singing star.

6:27 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

big shamu: you are just a hater! because they are so lovely, so accomplished and genteel you are sick with envy. admit it! you want a big white escalade with spiiny rims dont you? dont you? grrrrrrherhahahaha

i heard dallas austin wrote on his my space page it was all for tv that he worked with kim. boy my opinion of him has dropped mightily. gah!

but its over. its over. and now on to the OC> grrrehrhahahahaha!

enemy: consider yourself as a person with fine discriminating tastes. but moi, a.b. and shamu and i watch this drivel because........we are observers of the kulchur dontcha know. grrherhaha

PhoKid: i know. it is western civ on the skids. i think of this show as the canary n the coal mine.

Kim: honey chile, please! we all knows that be a weave! by the way i saw the video you made with your 11 year old daughter and posted on youtube. very klassy. you are the bomb!! grrrehahahaha
*silly squirrellette* ;-)

big shamu: gotta be ready for action in case big poppa has 10 free minutes.

bbc: im certain it was Kim. did you recognize her in the pictures? maybe i should go on a TV ban as well.

Fishy: it is true what you say about me -fine sensitive artist....but, i mean, it can't be dostoevsky
24/7 can it? besides, as a culture jammer i must on occasion absorb a bit of the worst of the worst. and lets face it - my hometown is getting maligned in this show - i gotta see what they are projecting. ouch.

kim: nene called. she said meet her behind Saks Fifth Avenue by the dumpster. at night. alone. she wants to make up with you. grrrrrherhahaha

7:23 AM  
Blogger moi said...

Kim, I got one question for you: What, in the name of all that is holy in fashion, were you WEARING to the party the other night?

7:49 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

moi: i think she got that from the "moulin rouge" costume store.

7:58 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

oh, bring it on bitches, you knows you just jealous of my klass and stile. The fabulous dress was deesigner and cost Big Poppa nearly a thousand $$.

What's a Sak's?

8:32 AM  
Blogger moi said...

A designer bag to go over your tacky ass freak of a weaved head.

8:37 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

NeNe is that you hiding under the name "MOI?" You know "I'm a black girl trapped in white girls body" and I can kick yo ass if you keep up this negative talk.

9:46 AM  
Blogger /t. said...

ha haha hah aha aha ha hah aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah ha aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ha ha

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Mrs. Lee Najjar said...

kim: you actually bought that "im going to marry you" line? hahahahahahahaha

10:34 AM  
Blogger fishy said...

The canary is dead, get out of the mine!

10:39 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

fishy: GRRRRRRHERHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

10:41 AM  
Blogger K9 said...

/t: ha haha hah aha aha ha hah aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah ha aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ha haha haha hah aha aha ha hah aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah ha aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ha haha haha hah aha aha ha hah aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah ha aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ha haha haha hah aha aha ha hah aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah ha aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ha haha haha hah aha aha ha hah aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah ha aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ha haha haha hah aha aha ha hah aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah ha aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ha haha haha hah aha aha ha hah aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah aha aha haha hah ahah ha ha haha haha ha ha ha hah aha haha hah ha ha ahah ahah aha ah ha haha haha aha haha ha ha ah ha aha ah aha hah aha aha haha hah ha ha

10:44 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

"It's true love this time, I see marriage in my **cough** future"

Where are those f-ing smokes?????

11:12 AM  
Blogger moi said...

I'm not a hater OR an instigator but if I weren't such a technotard (lawd, half a pie or a third? I don't know!), I'd sign on as my bad ass NeNe self and dress you down good. As it stands, Moi has to do mah talkin'.

11:13 AM  
Blogger BBC said...

???????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????
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???????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????

What the fuck, run amok.

6:17 PM  
Blogger BBC said...

Hey, any of these chicks want their tits kissed?

6:19 PM  
Blogger K9 said...

bbc: every one of them. and often. but you must pay..............grrherhaha im sure they will accept tributes of fish

moi: you mean you havent set up your shell blog yet? you need a mean dovey cooledge or a dog town!

Kim: did you see yourself say you had cancer on the preview of the reunion? it didnt look like you lost 25 pounds!

6:45 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I lost 25 pounds of hair when I could no longer afford my wigs.

Is BBC talking about my klassy tits?

8:41 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Holy crap! Those are some "robust" women! What the hell do they eat? They need to be chained to Stairmasters for a month!

6:26 AM  
Blogger Reverend X said...

HELL YEAH!! OK!!! Nice work.. very nice work. Of course the platitudes will have to be a bit subdued due to the content... You actually watched that show? OMG... Stop that!!

9:00 AM  
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10:59 PM  

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