the History of K9: Part 1
Over at the Troll Report today, BuzzKill asked:
"As an aside, I think it's a panic that you have K9 listed as "Angry Black Guy" on your side bar"
and Troll said:"There's an amusing story about K9's status as a black man that pre-dates her employment as a Troll Report correspondent."
and then Karl asked:
"Praytell what is the story regarding K9?"
K9 with his muse, the mayden he won in a poetry duel
well, what IS the story of K9? i've been asked before, touched on it very briefly at the seattle summit and have alluded to it from time to time. the scope and scale of it is epic, with an unlikely scrappy heroic rottweiler (grrrerhahahaha) who burst onto the scene January 2005 on a blog by WCH called "the possibility of fire" which sadly, no longer exists, or i would send you there to see how the dogfight began.
In the beginning, i was "gone native" and i had a little blog that nobody read about the forest and art. it was the precursor to Chickory. One night i made the decision to click on the tab at the top of blogger that says "next blog" and i arrived on a page with this tremendous rant about how horrible america was. It was after hurricane Katrina and it was a nest of liberals blaming racism for everything wrong that went down in the aftermath. (some things never change)
i came out swinging as "anonymous" and busted up the place pretty good; and the bloggers in there freaked out and demanded that i "show myself". actually, it was the women who came to this guys defense which intrigued me. so while in the heat of battle i had to develop an identity. and i couldnt go in as "gone native" because i sure didnt want these haters coming back to my sweet little nature blog.
i always liked rottweilers, (and had one briefly: another story for another time) and in particular loved the rottweiler in the movie "the omen", hence the tag line of "the rotty with the nanny killing stare", so i got on google images and found a rottweiler that had been in a dogfight and was at the pound. not a beautiful dog, but a scrappy dog, and i chose "him" for my avatar and went back. and i called myself the "sparring K9" because thats what i was. and i was despised. seriously. hated.
now. somewhere along the line, because of the fact i was a black dog, and that i said something to the effect of "people cross the street when they see me coming" an assumption was made that i was a. black and b. male. and i never did anything to correct them. in fact, i made an amazing discovery: that my point of view was received in a way the point of view of some random white chick never would have been.
i had a lot of fun with it. i started calling WCH, the one who wrote the "america sucks" post the "teacup poodle" and set a goal for this game. and the goal was to steal his women away.
Every time i made a comment, it would start with /bark bark bark and end with /grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. FInally my guest appearances resulted in an offer from WCH to write on his blog as a point/counterpoint kind of thing. I refused (you'll see why in the repost) and decided to build my own page. his "ladies" felt i should apologize for refusing to post with him! some of the players are still around and i invite them to add to this tale should they be so inclined, to correct my memory if need be, or to add whatever they want to this tale.
*in the interest of time, i have put the salient, and classic, K9 comments in bold type. just read that if youre in a hurry*
Who the Hell is Ad Hominem?
/bark bark bark
Looks like I got back just in time to prevent my sock puppet from writng checks I have no intention of cashing.
It was the emotional exhibitionism of WCH that fueled the angry first post. My response is not all that different from what Mr Q is saying in his used car salesman post about Bono. I call it compassion fashion. I found the tone of his writing to be condescending and narcissistic and those irritants were compounded by too many words. Same words over and over. You know why I lIke BogsBlog? He's economical. Get in, make your point, and get out.
These are legitimate points. I think fair play means I say what I want and fair play is also that you can disagree, clean my clock, ditto or ignore me altogether. Just because I didn't roll over and decorate my belly with the warm golden pillar does not mean I have not made an attempt to be a gentleman, acknowledge my rotten behavior and move on.
I said in his yard I was sorry, and I gave him props for being my Dr. Frankenstein, the creator of this creature in a manner of speaking. I say straight up, first post, this blog was created for WCH. And yesterday, through my sock puppet post, I have given him the ultimate praise. I think these things are BETTER than apologies.
This blog is called SPARRING K9 not "Channelling Alan Alda" so I refuse to go touchy feely on this. WCH ought to write me a thank you note for creating a situation where a bunch of alpha chicks wade in and start swinging in his defense! Talk about a bounty of good fortune!
You know, I was cool until I really starting thinking about his offer, you know his post called barkbarkbark? The offer was to do a blog together; a point counter-point bit. As I read on, that mad dog feeling came all over me again. Why? Because before I even knew what I was in, this guy had it titled, with my own barks no less, packaged and had laid out a list of rules for me to follow before you could say Jim Dandy. There is something of a liberal mind set to WCH's "containment" approach.
Bogs got it right. I won't be tethered to another's leash.
A conservative dog, like myself says no thanks I'll take my chances, and if it doesn't fly than that is MY failure. And if it does fly it is MY success. Maybe I don't want to talk about what WCH does. Maybe I have my own game plan. Maybe Im not a nice doggie.
And if the price I have to pay for not making ANOTHER apology is to be not read, then so be it. That is the free market system. If the market does not support my product then this blog will die as well it should. This is a capitalist canine mini manifesto. No further apologies will be made.
/grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
next up: K9 realizes he needs to create a "girlfriend" for himself, and fast.
Labels: blog battles, blogging, character development, the mighty rottweiler
58 Comments:
I remember the tea cup poodle days. And all those steaming browns.
Like your market mainfesto ... the market has spoken, hasn't it? Three or four years later, this blog survives, while WCH ... well, he's long gone.
**sits downs and waits for more**
I could hear this story over and over and still be happy.
Gosh it sounds as if I mised some exciting times back then...I'm so pleased that you are on my side K9 and that you are my protector. :) ♥
Cool, glad to know you can walk your bad ass self through the 'hood. Just stay out of the burbs where they do the profiling thing.
faery: yes i remember well YOU were chief bad ass chick mad malva blue..or was it graffiti? either way you and i have been at it from the beginning. and look at us now! ;-)
oh yeah! how could i have forgotten to say i called my commentaries "hot steaming browns!"
i imagine you and i will continue to have a dust up now and then, but when you receive your package, you will remember my abiding affection for you.
how about you and me in battle on
"are you for eighty six"? howwwwwwwwwwwl
I am really going to enjoy this re-cap :)
boxer: well i wish i hadn't have dumped so much of it...i did save on paper some of the earliest dogfights and its a howl to read. when i considered writing about the experience i asked two in the battle for permission to print their part of the conversation and they declined - so thats one reason i didnt follow through.
dianne: well, i was a gruff dog but i was pretty tender with the ladies. i have some poetry they wrote me -er, him- thats a testimony. and i really treasure those posts. when i get to the part about the poetry duel you'll see the full force of K9 chivalry.
walking man: as an artist, you will surely appreciate the fun of creating a character and maintaining that character's voice. there were times id write something and then say, "K9 would never say that" and revise. it was better than a fiction course in college. but the real fun was to come when i created "freya" the existential dutch white wolf.
mayden: when we get to the part about you its K9's finest hours. and then there was the great islamic war. grrrrrrrrherherherhahaha
I would have loved to have been there at the beginning. I'll have to settle for a retell.
Allow me a mini-digression about how I found you. I was researching conservative responses to Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth, which I'd been hired to condense for a client – not the same ol' same ol' right winger la, la, la, la, la stuff, but really reasoned responses, by scientists etc. Your scathing post on Gore's carbon credits came up about fourth or fifth in the Google search. After reading it, my first response was, whoa, this chick is on fire. Funny, but I never thought you were a dude!
Heh. I didn't actually know most of the Genesis of K9 story. You were almost a "character troll" as I was during the Golden Age of Trolling.
lol I remember it, but wasnt following the duel all that well. I do remember Mayden talking about you then though! hehehe
Fun post! I am looking forward to reading more!! =]
I came in late to this story the first time around. I'm enjoying the recap.
moi: no. by the time you found me, it was after the "gender bust" and i dispensed with writing as "him". K9 wrote more in raps; some of the better ones i will link on the next post. but they are visible through the archives just go as far back as you can. im guessing you will really enjoy the rap on coretta scott kings funeral.
troll: i definitely started as a troll -more so before i became K9. it was exhilarating to be hated so much. i found that having adversaries seemed to inspire the good stuff.
helene: were you there for the islamic war? the players were: faery (as velvet), huckleberry friend (then thursday next), aunty, ardliar, vanille (as infinitessimal), bogs, bird, /t, boney, foamy (then schaumy) enemy of the republic and xdell. it was a real mess. good times! grrrrrrherhahahaha!
gnome: one of my favorite comments from the whole K9 experience was when puerileuwaite told me he was so relieved to find out dude was a lady; because he claimed to have developed a wee bit of a blog crush on the old rotter. grrrrrhahahaha
Actually, I made a comment like that to you, under my old blog id.
I'm a relative new comer and knew nothing of your checkered past. Thanks for the recap and looking forward to Part Deux. "Hot steaming browns" is funny, but if I had been around then I may have found you out when you used the term "Jim Dandy". I don't know many black dudes that would say that - grrhahahaha
buzz kill: youre right! i made a lot of mistakes like that, but it flew for a while. the blogger revvy knew early on but he let it ride. im sure many suspected as much.
gnome: there were so many grrrrrrherhahahaha
You're so charming that even as a black male dog, the men find you irresistible.
gnome: are you flirting with me? ;-)
thanks for the history lesson. i always wondered about the doggie thing.
add value and keep rowing the boat.
and yeah, i`ve had my fair share of conflict...and in some ways miss the intellectual challenge..but it gets old fast, and i get tempted to cut deeper than they might feel comfortable with, and they are people too...many with fragile egos and "not ok" attitudes to boot, and in the meat world they may be responsible for the care of others.
so i mainly just avoid the flash point these days.
doctor: i understand. i find a lot of molotov cocktail throwers as i range through the internet; saying whatever they say mostly to a crowd of those in total agreement without so much as a little growl of contrary commentary. that was and sometimes still is the function of the black dog.
Good afternoon K9,
Now I understand the James Bond music, you were undercover.
Thank you for the explanation and I look forward to the next installment.
Your comment to Gnome triggered me to thinking it's been way too long since I've revisited Natural Born Killers. So I just did it on my blob.
ahhhhhhh .. the olden days of blogging ...
i remember the duel .. lol ..
the islamic wars ...
freya ...
great rappery ..
i don't know that i ever thought you were black. i had been blogging long enough to not assume blogger's race. but initially i did think you were young, in your twenties. a young male with attitude.
but after a while you kept making references that aged you
more and more .. lol ..
karl: thank you - i hope the story will be entertaining. it sure was fun living it. and welcome to the yarrrrrrd.
moi: that'd be ""are yew flirtin' with may?" great movie.
I would have not gathered that gender or ethnicity from your picture or screen name. I knew you were a woman all along. I don;t have any specific reason why but I did. How odd.
foamy: LOL! frontin' is hard hard work!! grrherhahaha no i dont know how many thought i was black after the initial first months. damn! i really liked being lenny kravitz. if i can marry him i will just BE him. ;-)
how was your day, honey?
ricardo: when you met me i was female. i was only a him for a short time in 2006....a .little less than a year. i had to come clean after the islamic war.
now that i think back on it -WCH irritated me because he wrote about blacks like many white liberals do -as if he was going to take up for the poor dears. the big smarty pants protector of the little people. it was the true face of racism in my opinion - i didnt need this whiner feeling sorry for me. i was the mighty K9!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well yes,sometimes left wing sympathy for minorities in the guise of wanting to help can be just as offensive as a clan meeting. Especially if it's a guy trying to be the great white hope. That's a very touchy area that can get you hated quick. I have had these types come up to me asking about my ethnicity and there was something patronizing about it. It's not all my counterparts on the left just the really smug self righteous ones. No, I'm not from the bario, don;t talkto me like I'm from there. LOL!!!
OH gracious--mah smile is splittin' mah face--what memories!
I does expect Rev X an' Ardy to make a guest appearance afore ya finish yore retold tale of the Mighty Rottie, K9.
One thang some folks did learnt about, in them blog war days, was not to assume the avatar was the actuality. K9 bein' the poster blogger fer that! Q? Whar's you?
Dawg, youse runnin' the fence line onc't a gain!! Lovin' this!
It seems to me Contessa Infinitesimal was the person who thought you were a black guy, and I think I got that from her. But I could be wrong.
Interesting deconstruction of the k9 mythos here, dog.
Thanks for the memories of blog posts past!
It’s all for you, Damien! It’s all for you!
PS: hey aunt b!!!
YO Dog,
Nice cliff notes of the beginnings.... I remember your browns at that long forgotten "liberal" (If liberal can be translated as only elitist and patronizing) blog. You were on full on assault, no one there seemed to have the balls to play your game, so I tossed out some pure poetry... "I'll play your game, pigfucker!"
Or something close to that. You took the challenge and started arguing with me at A Post Apocalyptic... I'd have to say, over all, I won that argument. Look at you now... As I warned ya once, "The Truth will not set you free. The lies set you free. Free to go about your day doing routine things. Free to play with your kids and think it is all ok. No, the truth is an affliction. A terminal disease that has no cure, but it is the only disease that anyone would spread to their loved ones and colleagues."
Well, congrats on your success. BTW, google "Blasted Reality" sometime. My 911 vids are everywhere. Rise boasts 50 million downloads that I know of and the rest are right up there. Most of that traffic I have you and Uriel to thank for. The debates drew a hell of an interest.
My next comment will be back in Rap format...
ricardo: the barrio! LOL
aunty: Q! thats right. he was a major player and i always forget that he was the first i met in the real.
when did you come in aunty? before the poetry duel? how did we meet? my memory is pitiful.
bogshond: well you were one of Freya's favorites. i suppose it was vanille that made the association - im going to tell that story next. good to see ya bogs!
Revvy: our rap offs were some of the best blogging times ever. i remember you calling me a pigf*cker! grrhahahahaha i was looking at the screen thinking...are you kidding me? grherhhahaah er...here we go then. i was always proud of the fact that bird took our raps to her english class to show her students creative debate.
no congratulations to you for your success with the videos. i know there is a ton of work there.
Uriel! i forgot about uriel. wonder what ever happened to him?
OH Mercy Maud!
Hey Bawgs--
is this ole home week??
C'mon over an' we woan tell yore libbo friends youse been playin' in the slums. Bring Infinitessima too.
The Rev! Oh mah mah...K9 hauled you up in memory an heah ya is!! Man o man it has been a long while since thar' was a flame war in the Dawg's yard. I'se pullin' up a chair wif a bag of popcorn--let it rip!! Youse got a hankerin' fer ole time verbal naplam? Ya got a line on Uriel? Ain't seen that phantom in light years. Tell ya the truth, some times I wondered if when you and Uriel went at it, iffin' ya weren't messin wif' us, Rev--I mean, mebbe youse arguin' wif' yore better half?
(Thanky fer the Front Porch visit)
K9,
oooh, Dawgy, what'cha up to wif' all this? I'se howlin'. Yep--Q, yore first love in the real. I'd have sold off Granny to See Q meet you at the Red Gator.
An' Ben? What happen to Sweet Ben?
Mah memory is dim--cain't recall when Aunty came along to this yard--will have to look at archives, But I does know it was afore the flame wars, I was thar' durin' least part of Islamic battle, an when all the chicks fell fer the dawg--long afore the Big Reveal...which brings it back to meetin' Q--hoo-whee!
Rev X an' Uriel--ain't no forgettin' that. Whar' in the cosmos....?
An' then...when did Ardlair saunter through the gate?
Plenty of Pop Corn--ready fer Part II !
K9,
I had forgotten that Bird used our rhymes on impressionable youth.. roflmao. We had some good ones, course, in the midst of them I caught sight of your secret identity. "Welcome to the Terrordome!"
I gotta admit, I am making snacks and riveted here for part 2. As you know I dropped offline for about 6 months and when I checked back in, you were engaged in a poetry contest. I gotta find out the twists of fate that led from Patriotism to Prose. Oh and for the record, although I do not know if I am supposed to say anything... my 6 month season in the abyss would have been a one way ticket had it not been for you coming to my rescue. Yes, the Pit fighting junkyard dog is a true Samaritan, the likes of which I did not believe existed. Thanx.
Aunty,
I enjoyed catching up with your insanity at the Back Porch. I love your enthusiasm! Don't agree with a damn thing you have ever written, but love reading it anyways. lol. And btw, you predicted my reappearance not more than 2 comments before I reappeared.... Maybe you are my better half as well... hmmm?
I can only give you my word that Uriel and I have never so much as met. I would jump at the chance to meet my worthy nemesis, but the opportunity has yet to present itself. Ironically, my real life better half divorced me at the end of the Flame Wars, due in no small part to the hours I spent arguing with the Big U. Irony and fate.. lol
grrherhaha!
those were, are,
and will again be the days
rock on, rottie
<3
Your first mistake was on Doubting Thomas.
A post about dildo law in Texas.
Your irritated comment.................
It was the first clue to the fact that you were not a large black man.
If pressed, I may reveal more.
Particularly when you talk of Freya.
A
Is that a swell in the sea i see headed this way?
aunty: i think ardliar thought we were the same people for a while. oh, the intrigue. grherhea
revvy: did we ever see Uriel again? i dont think so. he was here for a season and then poof.
welcome to the terrordome! i remember. grrrrrrrherhahahaha you got me there all right.
and, youre welcome, friend.
ardliar: no? maybe i could be a scrawny black man like sammy davis jr or a flyweight boxer or something. grrherhahaha! i didnt know you knew freya. how is it that you came to torment me? through vanille?
anonymous: youre scarin' me.
Yeah just call me Tito from the Barrio. I'm wearing my pants around my ankles as I write this to complete the look.
K9,
I went ahead and dug through the APA Archives to find the two arguments relevant to your tail...
A Post Apocalyptic
For anyone curious bout what went on and who Uriel was...
and I have spoken with him in the last two years. He is an overworked professional. Never really had the time to play, but thankfully he did anyways. What did you accuse me of being once, a trust fund kid? lol
Ardlair,
I thought mebbe the controversial law was in Alabama--ya know, them droolin' gap-toothed bible-thumpin' baboons who still think decency is a word.
K9-Pup,
heh. naw, c'mon now--a
SDjrskinnyblackman didn't fit the dawg's personality. Hehehehehe. Doan worry none that Ardlair mixed us up as one bowl of soup--he jes' cain't imagine them ingredients in more'n one person, but until that time his experience of the sane was limited.
Ricardo, Tito of the Barrio
HOWLING hilarious!
Rev X,
how does ya stick a link in a comment--I ain't able to find whar' that trick is done.
Wow--ya kept the APA archive that long? Cain't wait to git over an revist the scene!
but, wait--ya spoke wif that phantom? ya' mean real voice on phone or email? tell all!
Ooooh, such an interesting story. Plus, how fun is it to have a completely different alter-ego? You achieved this in the truest sense. I must investigate this possibility in life!
BTW, I saw recently an online program that analyzes text to determine if the writer was/is male or female. It is based on use of certain key words that one gender uses over the other. It would be interesting to find that and run your old texts through to see if it tags you as a male dog or female dog (and I won't use the word ... ;)
This comment has been removed by the author.
/t: i think i met you during th e poetry wars? i thought you should be duchamp not dali! thanks, friend.
tito: im shipping you a case of those hair net thingys. grherhaha
revvy: im proud of how many previous haters i now count among my friends. good link. did you actually speak with uriel?
aunty: no, i meant could i pass for a scrawny black man NOW? grherhaha.
why should the mighty K9 care if dildos are sold in alabama? a better question is this: why is ardliar worried about if dildos are sold in alabama? was he planning to travel there?
i know you thought i was a man, ardliar. vanille told me. maybe she will come on and ditto that.
pam: in part two? the cracks begin to form. and foamy makes the most telling of all observations.
Don't flatter yourself too much lady.
We can all take just so much self indulgence.
Vanille persuaded me - early days - that you were a man.
I had my instincts - but, if you have met her, you will know that she is a phenomenally persuasive ( and exceptionally handsome) young woman.
So, I followed the script.
Apparently you were a vietnam veteran with a steel plate in your neck.
But things happened. The dildo scenario ( clearly still a raw nerve) ; the defence of Freya in an entirely un-male way: the upset at my "LIAR" post ( think hard now).............................
And it all just didn't figure.
But doubtless you'll put some other spin on it in days to come.
And so you should.
It's your blog.
They're your fans.
They wanna hear it like it really is/was.
Love
( and a dangerous neckline incisor kiss)
A
i do?
ardliar: lady? uh oh grrerhahehaha.
foam: i think so - you'll correct me if i have it wrong.
Auntie n K9,
Email... I never answer my phone so no one ever reaches me via that medium. I figure if I'd wanted top talk to any given caller, I'd have called them.
I think it was a year and a half ago. I'd mentioned his name in a comment some where so he noted my concern at his disappearance, wrote me to tell me he was fine, just too busy to argue and, of course, that I should know that I was wrong and not need him to point it out every time I posted anything.
Once again, I want to go on record (not literally "go" on a record, of course, just to clarify) that I was hooked when I thought you WERE an angry black guy.
I figured, what the hey, if they ever throw me in prison I would have to adapt anyhoo. Finding out you were female was icing on the hetero-leaning upside-down cake.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm on this crazy ride for the long-haul, even if you do an "inverse-Victor-Victoria" and decide you're an angry black man after all.
If these bloggers could have seen you and I watching the turtle near the beach- they'd have rolled over and died laughing :)
I think we have as much fun in real life as we do in the blog world :) Too bad the Gnome never met up with us~ ;)
for starters,
there was a SEATTLE SUMMIT???
(er, cough, I was just there...)
I would like to add my contribution here.
Suffice to say, your gender determined for me the day i asked you if (as a dog)
you had put as much energy usually into your humping as you did to your blogging commentary
you said something to tossing out the humping ottoman, preferring my black leather boots (are you gonna include the sketches? of the skunktress?) thus the sharp rap to the hip was born
So I was so intrigued, I began the slight flirt, which was echoed by several of wch's "chicks"
Mayden and i ultimately duked it out over in a giant vat of cyber pudding (chocolate and vanilla)
she won
PS:
Are you OK?
It is raining like a big dog here right now...
send up bubbles if you can breathe, can Trout swim?
revvy: i wouldnt mind seeing Uriel again. i wonder what his writing gig is/was. any guesses?
puerileuwaite: grherhahahaha! i sure loved you! do you think for a minute a male dog would spend all that time making a christmas CD cover for you. no way. lets hope when we do time? we do time together.
mayden: its probably a good thing gnome never met us. what with all the tequila and strong pina coladas. i never eat a QV salad and dont think of you and the turtle and the birdless bird lsland. grherhahaha
vanille!!!! there you are. did you see where ardliar praises your beauty? i guess he aint all bad. the seattle blog summit was last february. it was shamu, boxer and moi and yours truly. and so fun. when are you coming to jawja. wanna see chickory?
yes - occasionally i would go back to my ottoman. and you would catch me.
im fine vanille. we have a flooded basement and soggy chicks but all is well. xo
i come now da?
vaniiiiiile
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