guest post with mean dovey cooledge

Independence Day! (art and rappery)

/bark bark bark
im back in play
brought my rotty rap-per-ray
haters beware
my nanny killin stare
molten hot flares and rockets red glare


a fourth of july letter to:

CNN ABC
CBS NBC
Kos Huffington
Pelosi Reid
DU Olberman
DNC Babs
Matthews
and millions of hollywood hags
instigators haters
massive regulators
traitors controllers
falsehood purveyors



effete elite
BLEAT BLEAT BLEAT
"americas a bunch o' sheet"
whiners
babies
bedwetting fleas
ya'll sick with foot in mouth disease

foul architects of the national scisim
thats what you call patriotism
exploiting every kind of division
and lacking in any original vision


this is your endless pitiful song:
"america is always in the wrong"
you cant profit if She is strong
you babies
you punks
you shady ass chumps
Caracas is where you haters belong


the only leadership you can claim
is to point and blame and market shame
whats the object of the game?
shake us down and secure your reign

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl,
your breasts serve dependency and you want em sucked your plans to save us will get us f**ked so


relax you hacks
take the day off
appreciate
celebrate
eat a freakin hot dog
and stop talkin'


happy INDEPENDENCE DAY!
God Bless America
and Everwhere Else too.



/grrrrrrrrrrr

friday bridgemix: Obama, Mo and the flea market

the annual valentine's ball is this saturday night. its black tie optional. in the past i have purchased a cheap dress and doctored it up to be an art piece. last year i found a green dress and painted a human heart on the bodice with blood running down to the floor, accented with red sequins. (Frida, feed me!) on the back i painted a spine and kidneys. i think i'm going to try to sell that dress and the fall "princess party" dress i made of leaves on Ebay. i need money to offset the coming shakedown (more on that below)


this year, i think i am going to stretch some red netting over the fine vintage hat i found and am modeling in the photo above, pair it with my charcoal gray tux with swallow tails and a red silk blouse (if i can find one, or maybe just a red bra i can glue gun a bunch of sparkly crap to.) im not in a dress mood. any suggestions?



i did place all the"psychofauna" (hat tip to the PhoKid for giving these creaturas a better name) around town. i have not checked back on them to see if they were acquired. i left about half of them at the dog park, and the others in various places i happened to have been. one of the designers i work with found one embedded in the chain link around their parking lot..she knew it was mine, and she's keeping it. my friend the artist in blue ridge sent me some alpaca fur and i bought an entire pheasant pelt on ebay to trick them out. i am working on another batch to sell on etsy; and one very special one for my blog reader contest....i think maybe a psychofauna haiku writing contest? doan know. (there's yore daily dose of aunty speak chillen)


do you like the store "anthropologie"? yeah, so do i. hate the prices though. what is its appeal? slightly vintagey and offbeat/beatnikesque style? i go there and identify the things i like and then i go to the flea market or junk shoppe and look for the same kind of thing i liked...at a far better price. i found this daisy choker and i love it. it covers the two bride of frankenstein gashes on my neck and it looks great with my favorite slightly militaristic olive green straight jacket with blood red satin inside it. i call that juxtaposin'. grrrrrrherhahahahaha


i also found these candle sconces that i plan to use horizontally tip to tip as a decorative accent in my bedroom. i just blew up some of my bird photos really large and am framing them for the bedroom make over. i have my own room. we call that the "virgin room". all the action happens in mr. she's room which is a true boys room. where snoring and clothes on the floor are no longer an issue in our 15 year marriage which we celebrated LAST NIGHT! what did i give mr. she? i finally filled out a legal zoom last will and testament. he's been doggin' me for about a year on this one. i hope he wont be mad when he finds out i left it all to my great nieces! grrrrherhahaha (just kiddin' honey...that's only if we die at the same time)

anniversary dinner: grilled gulf shrimp (USA only!) on a white balsamic green salad with shaved parmasean and pears and devil's food cupcakes with pink cherry frosting. mr she had a lot of tattinger and fell asleep before i could love up on him. grrrrherhahaha. thats married life!


of all the funny political posters i've seen i like this one the best. but now, im sort of worried Obama will get the nomination. obama for change! obama for the future! vote for obama cause he's for change! and the future! yes we can! yes we can! yes we can what?

yes. what has obama actually done besides be a fresh empty suit that people can project their desires upon? a symbol by which people can demonstrate they aren't racists? who is barak hussien obama?

it turns out Obama actually has done something! introduced senate bill 2433. a.k.a. "obama's global tax bill", but Obama calls it the Global Poverty Act. sounds like a good compassionate thing to do! what's your problem, dog! my PROBLEM is it makes U.S. foreign aid spending subservient to the dictates of the United Nations! my problem is the legislation would commit the U.S. to spending 0.7 percent of gross national product on foreign aid, which amounts to a phenomenal 13-year total of $845 billion over and above what the U.S. already spends.

im sure many of you saw this viral photo from the Obama campaign down in Texas right? just in case you missed it:



Obama's not responsible for what his campaign workers do! maybe not. but it says much about the ideology of the people who want him to LEAD us;lead us into socialism. the National Journal ranked Obama as the MOST liberal senator of 2007. Hillary Clinton came in at 16. wow.

there's more, but im saving it for the giant treasury of Obama tidbits post to come.

you may or may not be aware that in Denmark there is an enormous amount of stress and violence between the danish people and their immigrant islamic brethren. the recent flare up is a result of the arrest of 3 who plotted to MURDER the guy who drew the mohammed with a bomb in his turban:



cartoonist tom toles had one of my favorite responses to this situation of insanity where free expression is losing out to murderously intolerant and pathetically insecure islamists (hat tip to blogger "wuff")



Islamic leaders which the poor duped-into-diversity-danish elected, (as a show of tolerance), have remarked that the danes are now the "minority" in denmark and that it will be an islamic nation. on top of that, they demanded an apology to all muslim people in denmark for the cartoons. i found a copy of that apology here it is:

Den Officielle Undskyldning!
Fra Danmark til hele den Muslimske verden,kaldet "Undskyld!"

Undskyld vi gav dig læ da krig drev dig fra dit hjemland....
Undskyld vi tog dig ind da andre afviste dig....
Undskyld vi gav dig mulighed for at få en god uddandelse.....
Undskyld vi gav dig mad og drikke samt et hjem da du intet havde....
Undskyld vi lod dig og din familie gen-forenes da jeres hjemland ikke længre var sikkert...
Undskyld vi aldrig tvang dig til at arbejde imens VI betalte alle dine regninger...
Undskyld vi gav dig næsten GRATIS Husleje,telefon,internet,bil og skole til dine 10 børn...
Undskyld vi byggede Moskeer så du kunne praktisere din religion i vores kristne land...
Undskyld vi aldrig tvang dig til at lære vort sprog selv efter 30 års ophold!....


Så kort og godt....fra alle Danskere til hele den Muslimske verden,vil vi bare sige;
FUCK JER!!

how about a translation?

The Official Apology
From Denmark to the Muslim World,simply called "We´re Sorry!

We´re sorry we gave you shelter when war drove you from your home country....
We´re sorry we took you in when others rejected you.....
We´re sorry we gave you the opportunity to get a good education.....
We´re sorry we gave you food and a home when you had non.....
We´re sorry we let you re-unite with your family when your homeland was no longer safe...
We´re sorry we never forced you to work while WE paid all your bills.....
We´re sorry we gave you almost FREE rent,phone,internet,car and school for your 10 kids...
We´re sorry we build you Mosques so you could worship your religion in our Christian land...
We´re sorry we never forced you to learn our language after staying 30 years!....

And so....from all Danes to the entire Muslim world,we just wanna say;

FUCK YOU!!



grrrrrrrrrherhahahahaha. have a great weekend. and buy Danish whenever you can. support the Danes whenever you can. they are our canaries if ya know what i mean.

random stream of consciousness (for iamnot)

so this woman rants at me about how Hillary is going to bring health care to all in this oppressive hideous heartless nation known as the USA. all this while holding an iphone in a hand with a fancy french manicure. i said "dude, if you have a cell phone? you can afford insurance. you CHOSE not to buy insurance cause you drank the kool aid and think if you tack all this shit onto yourself you are living large. this nation doesn't owe you "large".....but it does offer you an OPPORTUNITY to get.it.for.yourself." this woman's statement, and more specifically this way of thinking, and it is endemic this nation, is that people want what they want but they want ME and YOU to pay for it. and there isnt a candidate strong enough to get up there and tell all these bed wetters what time it. there is NOBODY to vote for. all i can do is put my head down and work and pray some moron doesnt run the free market system into the ground before i can get my game together. speaking of free markets, when i realized i wasnt going to cut it as a painter, i looked at what i produce that consumers actually want to buy and adjusted accordingly. i didnt start writing a bunch of grants looking for tax payer funding to finance work nobody wants to buy! that is how it works here. you figure it out and shut the fuck up.
im not rich, but i still hope to get there and so therefore im not interested in soaking people who got there just because i haven't yet. is anybody else out there fed up with people getting up and asking the candidates about what they are going to do for whatever problem in their life they will not handle themselves? what a bunch of selfish punks. with no vision past themselves, no long term for the greater good of the nation just whatever they can get. i bout fell out of my chair the other day during a phone call with one of my left-coast relatives who started ragging on the price of gas. "really?" said i, cause your state is full of caribou huggers and "dont build a nuke plant" chanters who make us do business with the saudis since we cannot even tap our own resources. why dont you take a good hard look at how that price is divided. find out how much of a cut goes to your state and the feds and get back to me. meanwhile you want to punish the oil companies for actually finding the shit, pumping it up, refining it, employing people and delivering it to you so you can just pull up and load it into your gas tank cheaper than you could get a gallon of starbucks triple soy skinny ass bullshit latte! but the jokes on you because the government is going to subsidize companies that develop other fuels and give them a tax break as well. who do you think is developing these alternative fuels?? who has the infrastructure? its a whole lot like archer daniels midland getting a farm subsidy. like that? then you are going to LOVE that 10 dollar ear of corn and 100 dollar steak. how about this: in florida they will not drill for oil cause it might mess up the beaches. thats hilarious since chavez and castro are going to sail right up to the line and drill it for their nations and florida might STILL get tar beach but not the oil. but its worth it cause at least they can feel "good" about themselves. those feel good florida people will be chokin' on their puka shell necklaces over that one and they'll blame blame blame just like everyone does now for every damn thing that happens. nobody seems to understand the cause and effect that these selfish desires result in when people get what they ask for. can anybody tell me what barak obama's message of hope actually CONTAINS? ive yet to hear one concrete idea out of his mouth. yes he looks good and yes he is positive but what are his ideas? and mike huckabee? are you kidding me? listen, when i am ready to attend a tent revival i will ring him up until then he should shut the fuck up unless he plans to apologize to the families that have been victimized by the killers he let out of prison. are people seriously considering electing another snake oil salesman out of arkansas? john edwards. his nickname in north carolina was "senator who?" get it? he was never there never introduced one substantial bill, he says he never took money from a PAC. what do you call the trial lawyers association! hillary. these guys are so bad...the clintons i mean...if you can punch a chad for her i say you have committed treason. fred thompson will you please drink a pot of coffee? you say some good and very specific things and are a constitutionalist but would it kill you to give it some effort? ron paul; nice voting record i wish i could choose you just for domestic policy. perhaps as the immigration czar, but your appearance on coast to coast and some of the new world disorder boyz got me worried. lets see who else; mitt romney? *shrugs*
then there was the episode of the "lost dog" that i had the insensitivity to find "amusing" which makes me a "hater". in a nutshell, up in maine where people are a bit frustrated with some muslims who will not assimilate while making demands that their culture be accommodated, somebody made a lost dog poster that shows a dog named "mohammed". the poster says the dog is "not good with children and can't be trusted". grrrherhahahahaha! thats clever! but its been called a hate crime against islam. well i say "roll with it" the way people like me do when mega-gheys over at the folsom street fair talk about how oppressive and homophobic america is while selling baby jesus butt plugs and virgin mary dildos. you mean you guys cant get your freak on without getting a medal for it? someone might judge you? what just letting you be isnt enough? you want special treatment? bite me! speaking of judgement...it's become a negative: "don't be judgemental" are you kidding me? i can, do and will make judgements as i see fit. i can judge that i think simulating oral sex on a gay pride float at 1 PM in the afternoon on a public street is at least as open a topic for concern and discussion of it's "rightness for the community" as a nativity scene is. i can judge that the goth chick across the street that allows her cat to roam around all day and come over to my yard and stalk my bird feeders is a selfish jerk! oh, you don't like having a catbox? then get a fucking dog! and you are free to judge and even hate me when i let Trout the land shark out to snap your cats ratty ass neck if i ever catch it over here again. what's more; i can judge people for not using their turn signal. i can judge people for wearing crocs if i want to...and do! grrrerhhahahaha! and you are still, as of this posting, free to judge me back and i celebrate that. i sure dont expect the gummit to legislate you to feel a certain way about what i do. the government has one function which they fail miserably at which is to keep this nation free of foreign invasion. right. anybody who believes in amnesty for the 12 million illegals in this nation does not stand for justice. tell all the people in africa being persecuted and killed they cant come here you'd rather give the cheapest citizenship on the face of earth to anyone who can walk, swim or hide in a van and sneak in here. other nations don't do that. no, other nations pick and choose who gets in: engineers, scientists, doctors...people like that. mexico doesnt even let anyone just come in like we do...ask the dominicans and people from central america. and speaking of mexico...since their government exports their poor here, having no incentive to fix their own massively corrupt government we get to hear the demoncrats talk about the widening gap between rich and poor in el norte. wonder why!

but in spite of it all, i remain optimistic that i can get my new business off the ground, open a showroom in july, and get my game on and live enjoying all the beauties and virtues that have come my way while minimizing my focus on what isnt going my way. my point is, iamnot, that i wasnt "slacking" just realizing that the way things are shaping up? i will have to work 3 times as hard to offset all the bullshit these candidates are going to implement to appease the bed wetters with the loudest shout. grrrerhahahaha. have a nice day everyone.

Friday Dog Post: Dog-in-a-Truck

gratuitous photos of trout placeholding while i make this year's Blogger CD's for my Christmas post. wanna see last year's CD's? click here
Oh and speaking of Christmas: heres what my cards read inside. grrrerhahahahaha

To all my Democratic Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the any of you.


To my Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year